Smackers and Flashers

OK Smackers I'm done y'all.

For the second time in two days I have had my lunch kind of ruined for me by people that can't close their mouths when then eat.  Folks I don't want to hear your teeth and tongue masticating a piece of chicken. I, for sure, don't want to hear the sucking sounds when you suck the grease off your fingers. It actually upsets my stomach.

Today, I just turned around and stared at an obese black lady who was holding a chicken wing as if it were a tea cup served in the court of the queen. She froze and looked at me, I held the stare for a couple of seconds and turned back. As soon as she smacked again, I turned around again. It only took three times and no words for her to get the message and guess what.... she can eat without everyone in a miles radius knowing that the sow is at the trough.

Now, I know that men do it probably as much as women but it seems that overweight women are my bane. Sometimes its talking on the phone while smacking and sucking, slurping and for all I know farting and scratching.  It's too much.

Therefore, I have nominated myself as the on site reminder of what a polite society will tolerate and the above is not within those parameters. I will stare bullets at the smackers, the slurps, the suckers, the farters, the scratchers and if I was about thirty years younger I would take on, the hands down the pants checking to see that they are still male, punks. But alas, my teeth and nose have taken enough abuse so I will let someone else take up the "hands in the crotch" people.


While I am at it.  The Fashion of the day seems to involve women bearing a significant amount of cleavage. Necklines seem to reside somewhere around "half boob" often with no support, thereby allowing a significant amount of jiggle room and the real possibility of a puppy getting loose so to speak.  Now, So far, I have no problem.

BUT, Listen ladies if you go out of the house into public with half of your breasts juggling around trying to break free of their flimsy bonds, we the male population out there, well we are going to look. I mean what do you expect! But then "IF" we should look and you stare at us as if we should "avert our eyes". No mamma, you decide to air out your flesh then we as males are obligated to look. Heck even other women look you up and down and most of them look sometimes with envy and sometimes disgust and sometimes with desire!

Us guys however, we we are fashion affectionatos in this instance. We couldn't be happier than when the mini skirt was popular, sad when it faded and gladdened anew when it made a resurgence. So air those puppies out whenever and wherever you want but please be true to yourself and when you catch us ogling the twins, well you don't have to smile or grin but you shouldn't look upon us as lechers. After all you cast the lure out there and the fish are definitely interested.